Getting Real

I've got to get back to something real with you.
—Emily Saliers, Something Real
on the Indigo Girls CD, All That We Let In

I've been thinking about what I want--and need--from the church. I want something real. My denomination talks about real presence in commmunion. That's a start. I also want something real from the preacher's message. I want real conversations within the community of faith--between colleagues, within the community, between generations.

But what is real?

Patricia H. Davis, in her book Beyond Nice: The Spiritual Wisdom of Adolescent Girls, talks about the opposite of real:

"Niceness is the opposite of spirituality. Niceness is, in fact, the opposite of what is required to build any genuine relationship—with God or with others. While niceness can smooth superficial human interactions, it is devastating to true intimacy.

Niceness requies putting away genuine feelings, avoiding conflict, swallowing hurts, denying pain, and being untruthful. Niceness requires self-denial and often self-forgetting. The nice person eventually forgets to notice how she really feels, even in extreme circumstances. The truly nice person doesn't even know when she is angry, and wouldn't admit to being angry if questioned. The nice person would never fight on her own behalf. Most often, nice people are not able to feel strong positive emotions either. Nice people are 'calm, controlled, quiet.'"

The people who wrote the psalms got beyond nice in their conversations with God. Can we do the same? Can we get beond nice in our conversations with one another in the church--without being abusive? Can we get back to something real and honest and truthful?

Comments

[Jan Veseth-Rogers]

Yeah, how about that getting angry part? Where does anger come in to a life of faith. My background says, being angry is somehow wrong; not Christian?....not like Jesus. Yet we know Jesus got angry....sometimes (and I am just musing) I wonder what to do with it (anger)....how to express it in a constructive way as a future leader....